Jemima Kakese's E-portfolio

Control sentence-level error (grammar, punctuation, spelling)

i think one thing I’ve been trying to do better over the semester is punctuation around quote integration. Punctuation around quote integration is really important because it helps clarify where my voice ends and where the author’s voice begins. I did a good job in my essay by introducing Zadie Smith’s quote clearly and using the correct punctuation to separate her words from my own. but i think next time, I can improve by being more precise with my punctuation. I should use commas and quotation marks more effectively to clearly indicate where the quote starts and stops, making sure it integrates with my own writing. This will make my argument stronger and easier for readers to follow.

Highlight in orange is a quote from essay 3

In this sentence, I think I did a pretty good job by using Zadie Smith and mentioning her essay Joy to introduce the quote. It helps provide context for what she says. To improve next time, I should be more specific when integrating the quote. Instead of summarizing her idea, I could use her exact words with proper punctuation to make my point clearer and stronger. For instance, I could write, something like this “Zadie Smith, in her essay Joy, says: ‘Joy is not something we can always plan or expect.’” This will help me make a stronger argument by letting Smith’s words directly support what I’m saying.

Document their work using appropriate conventions (MLA).

Using MLA conventions has been good for my writing because it helps me give credit to my sources and stay organized. Adding in-text citations makes my ideas stronger by showing where I got my information, and the works cited page helps me keep track of my sources. It also makes my writing look more professional and clear. Overall, using MLA has helped me improve my essays and made my work more complete.

One thing I think i improved in my MLA format writing was signal paraphrasing and quotation

Quote from essay three “About how Joy can come from the regular moment ” focusing on signal phrases

as you can see below it helps the reader see and understand my idea of how joy doesn’t have to be anything big, just a regular thing that we sometimes take for granted.

below is my work cited from essay 3

The works cited section is good because it shows where the information and ideas in the essay came from. It helps readers find the original sources if they want to learn more. Using proper citations also makes the essay more credible and gives credit to the authors whose work is being used. i think It’s an important part of writing because it keeps everything organized.

Be able to critique their own and others’ work by emphasizing global revision early in the writing process and local revision later in the process.

At first, I felt awkward about the idea of peer review, especially when having someone read my work right next to me while I did the same for them. It made me feel exposed, especially because of how insecure I am when it comes to my writing as if my thoughts and writing skills were being judged in real time. In high school, peer review felt different because most of the time, we weren’t expected to sit down face to face and talk about each other’s work. Usually, we just left comments on paper or handed back assignments quietly. It felt less personal and easier Now, having to actually discuss feedback in the moment was very awkward but I come to realize the more I did it the more I felt more comfortable especially because reading someone else’s work made me realized things I could fix in my own writing and getting feedback was helpful to help me improve . I’ve realized that getting real time reactions helps me see my strengths and weaknesses more clearly, and reading someone else’s work up close shows me different approaches to writing that I hadn’t considered before.

Below is the End comment I left on Collin’s essay

I think this was my best end comment especially because i was more comfortable doing it. I talk about thing I noticed and really liked about my peer’s essay is how clear and organized his ideas are. he explained his main points in a way that was easy to follow, and his use of quotes adds strong support into his arguments. I also liked how they made meaningful connections between his ideas and the writers , which made his essay feel thoughtful. and how his idea about joy was very similar to what i had wrote.

Below is the end comment my peer left on my third essay

This comment was really helpful for my essay because it pointed out things I didn’t notice, like the importance of putting my thesis at the end of the introduction and conclusion. It made me think about how having a clear thesis early on can help my essay feel more focused and organized. he also suggested on how i could format my quotes better which was also useful because it gave me an idea of how to make my analysis stronger and easier to follow. I liked that the comment recognized the personal experiences I included, which gave me confidence in what I did well while also helping me see where I could improve.

Here is a screenshot of how I moved my thesis kind to the end rather than having it at the beginning of my essay

My essay sounded way better being somewhere at the end of the introduction. In high school, it had to be the first thing in my writing and I would often get lost. That is what I’ve been doing and I did it in my essays one and two because I’m so used to it so being reminded about it in essay 3 was effective in my essay.

Employ techniques of active reading, critical reading, and informal reading response for inquiry, learning, and thinking.

above are my annotations from two different essay .

Throughout my high school year annotating was mostly about what I understood from the reading and highlighting words that were confusing to me. which is different from college annotating where we have to go in deep, it is more self-directed where we have to identify the argument and the challenge of finding evidence. that basically what happen with my first annotating paper where i barely find anything i kinda just underline things that were confusing to me and just left a piece of note. but as i got the hand of it i was more confident doing annotation especially with the “JOY” essay i think it was my best annotation for the whole semester, it was easier to especially with the annotation guide handout i though it was really helpful for me to find things to highlight and take not on the essays easily.

Respond, in your own words, and referencing your own experiences, to the validity of Gay’s question: “What if joy and pain are fundamentally tangled up with one another?”

Ross Gay’s idea that joy and pain are connected kinda makes sense to me because my meaningful moments usually have both feelings. When I’m really happy, like being with family or achieving a goal, there is always that pinch of sadness and the struggle that came with it . For example, me moving to a new place or starting a college is exciting but also means leaving behind familiar faces and routines. which is not easy going from seeing them everyday to barely.

Answering to the reading response

This is how I used my reading response to understand Ross Gay’s idea that joy and pain are connected. At first, his idea felt a bit confusing, but when I thought about my own life, it started to make sense. I realized that many of my most meaningful moments have both happiness and a little bit of sadness. For example, moving to a new place or starting college was exciting, but it also meant leaving behind people and routines that I was used to. That part of change was hard because I wasn’t going to see my friends and family every day anymore.

Answering this question helped me see how joy and pain often go hand in hand in life. It helped me realize that when I’m really happy, there’s usually a little bit of sadness or struggle behind it, and that’s okay. Without this reading response, I might not have fully understood what Gay meant or how it connected to my own life. It also gave me a better way to think about how I deal with both joy and sadness together in big moments.

Outcome: Be able to integrate their ideas with those of others using summary, paraphrase, quotation, analysis, and synthesis of relevant sources.

Integrating sources is being able to combine your ideas with an author’s ideas by summarizing, paraphrasing, quoting connecting information from different sources which is important for a writer. which is something I had struggled with the whole semester I would say, because my quote and paraphrase weren’t clear enough. but it got better on my second and third essay where i try to make sure i could connect the sources. Below is an example of how i improved between essay one and essay three.

Body paragraph from essay one with one direct quote (in yellow)

work simple 1. The image below is a screenshot from the essay one draft. it was my first essay in college and I kinda just wrote anything. I did not know about integrating sources other an just adding quotes, looking back now I can see how vague it is, I did not explain anything , it kinda makes sense but without backup, and doesn’t connect well to the main point i don’t even bring up the author in it just all over the places.

Two body paragraphs from my third essay which contain three quotes that are being paraphrased( quote highlighted in yellow)

Work sample 2. These paragraphs are from my third essay. it is so much clearer and easy to understand than my first essay was. it is a Barclay paragraph because it combines ideas from other sources. i think i did a pretty good job connecting the ideas from the two text and my own experience something i was struggleling with my first essay. i think it made my writing more retable , i also explained the main point from all the authors making a clear argument. and i provided a deeper analysis making my paragraphs more engaging.

Demonstrate the ability to approach writing as a recursive process that requires substantial revision of drafts for content, organization, and clarity (global revision), as well as editing and proofreading (local revision).

through out High school revision was mostly about going over what you’ve already learned in class and making sure you understand the main ideas. i used read through my notes, checking for spelling errors and Teachers often help by giving us review sheets or guiding for us to focus on. It’s was all about making sure our writing clear, checking for spelling and grammar mistakes, and making sure that my essays have a good structure. which is very different from College revision is different i’ve learned it involves a deeper understanding of the material. Instead of just memorizing facts, i needed to think about how things connect and apply and also bringing my voice which was hard at first because i was not used to it , and it has to be very specific and well explained. and paraphrasing so that not everything is crowed up with extra words. Time management is important since there’s a lot of work to do. adding my personal experience into my writing had definitely strengthen it instead of always having the author’s ideas. College revision focuses on really understanding the material and being able to explain it clearly.

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Body paragraph from essay 3 before revision

The same Body paragraph from essay 3 after Revision

Above is the same paragraph from my essay. Evaluating the importance of how we view joy before and after revision. in my draft, I wasn’t explaining property everything was messy, and too many words crowded each other making it hard to understand i started with my thesis like I taught in high school and the paragraph lacked my voice but was not there. it also lacks the author’s idea. during my revision i was more specific explaining my personal experience and also bring the other voice. i also paraphrase this time the word are not too crowded up like they were in my draft. revising helped me refine my ideas, clarify my thought and it allowed me to cut unnecessary details and being more specific with my personal experience has strengnthen my written it helped me develop a stronger voice.

1. Ross Gay’s idea that joy and pain are connected kinda makes sense to me because my meaningful moments usually have both feelings. When I’m really happy, like being with family or achieving a goal, there is always that pinch of sadness and the struggle that came with it . For example, me moving to a new place or starting a college is exciting but also means leaving behind familiar faces and routines. which is not easy going from seeing them everyday to barely.
2. I agree with this idea. because When I try to avoid sadness or disappointment, running away from problem doesnt make it better. those feelings just stick around and make it harder to feel happy. But when I let myself feel the pain, even if it’s uncomfortable, I feel better and ready to move on and do better. Embracing all that pain is tough, but it also feels freeing. It helps us connect more deeply with ourselves and others, making moments of joy even more meaningful.

3. Spending time with my family together even when we don’t need to talk, brings me deep joy. Just being together feels comforting and complete. or being with my friends, doing something I love, achieving my goals. being in God presence.

4. my list just kinda show how little things bring joy to things in everyday life, things that sometimes people might take for granted . In those moments, I feel the strength and warmth of our bond, knowing we can be ourselves. The silence brings peace and reminds me of the love we share, even without words.

5. Ross Gay’s essay and Zadie Smith’s writing both is about joy, but in different ways. Gay encourages us to notice small, everyday happiness and see how joy and sorrow are connected. Smith questions whether joy is simple or sustainable, showing its complexity. Both agree that true joy involves struggle , not just happyness . For a college student, Gay’s essay is valuable. College life is challenging, and finding joy in small moments can help. By embracing sorrow, we can have more emotional balance. Gay’s focus on “ordinary joy” helps build resilience during stressful times in school.

1. Zadie Smith is a writer known for her novels and essays, Her essay Joy explores the intense, and sometimes painful nature of joy, comparing it with pleasure and challenging us to think more deeply about happiness. Smith’s unique perspective is encouraging us to look beyond just the level emotions but also recognizing the complexity of joy, she makes a significant and thought.
2. In Joy, Zadie Smith talks about joy and pleasure. She describes joys as pleasure something satisfying and enjoyable, like eating your favorite food like how she enjoyed the popsicle in the reading . Joy, however, is deeper and more intense, because in joy there is a mix of emotions, even some pain or vulnerability. It’s like the bittersweet feeling of truly caring about someone, knowing you could lose them but loving them anyway.
3. According to Smith, joy is difficult to manage and live with because it can be overwhelming and unpredictable. In her essay, she says, “Joy is such a human madness.” This means that joy can make us feel out of control. part of me agree with her because sometimes, when we feel very happy, it can be hard to focus on other things or think clearly.
4. Reading about, thinking about, and discussing joy is important because it helps us understand our emotions better. By learning about joy, we can recognize what makes us happy and appreciate those moments more. Thinking about joy allows us to reflect on our lives and find ways to bring more happiness into our daily routines. Discussing joy with others lets us share our experiences and learn from each other and just remebering those good moment we had
5. this essay about joy kinda connect to empathy kinda because empathy helps us connect with each other. and this essay of joy it also bring people together when we sharing those experiences we had with each other.
   

Empathy plays a big role in how we connect with others but can be complicated. David Foster Wallace emphasizes the importance of being mindful of those around us he said that it helps us notice our habits He says, “The most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about,” comparing it to fish that don’t notice the water they swim in. Wallace suggests that being aware of our habits or thoughts can allow us to better connect and understand with others because we all could be experiencing the same . on the other side Paul Bloom point out the downside of empathy he argue that empathy can often cause us to feel strong emotions toward people we relate to in situation that leads us prioritize their need and feeling over others .  Together, these ideas show that while empathy helps build connections by making us aware of others, but it’s important to use it carefully to avoid being overwhelmed or biased. Wallace and Bloom both highlight that our emotions are important in how we relate to others.